The Essence Of Who I Am

I just need to get through 5 minutes to make it through the day

5 minutes every 5 minutes isn’t too bad I would say

My baby is breathing just enough for me to sleep

My body

My body doesn’t know how to move

It aches in places it shouldn’t

It aches where my baby isn’t

The cold hospital floor is somehow forgiving

The chapel women is somehow haunting

I wish I wasn’t the one breathing

So well

I wish I could take it from his little body

Hear his laugh again

I forgot what it sounds like and only remember anger

I smile in photos but I look back at them and my mouth is clamped shut

In pain

My eyes look empty

Empty enough to fill with tears

Maybe that is why they look empty and dead

All the water escaped from them

I wish I could count the cords attached to him

But they strangle my throat

Tugging

Hanging 

The truama

Is that my life now

Trauma after truama

Until they outgrow each other like trees racing to the sky

Which one will hurt the most

Which one will defeat me

Just 5 more minutes

M.A.P

©️