Push Present

Published by

marciella_poetry

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I joked to my husband that he needed to get my a push present

When I at that point was well overdue

But it was instantly not funny anymore when my baby was instead cut out of me

Later my husband bought me a bathtub tray

He told me it was a late push present

But I’ll never look at it the same way

I had surgery

A get well soon card would have suited me better

With writing inside that said

I’m sorry you have trauma that gives you anxiety every day

It was up at my throat at 6pm on the dot for weeks after

It loves to be punctual

Showed up in a suit and tie and took me out to dinner

I was only happy with my birth right after

But I only think I was

Because I was so so drugged I cant remember

I cant remember

I can feel my anguish rising

But at least my baby was ok

Was he?

I don’t remember

Needless to say

I don’t want a push present

Even if I have another baby another way

The joy of it all was cut out of me that saturday

I’ll never be the same

I was raped by the scalpel that day

The thing with rape is that you are expected to not be ok

A c section birth is a silent trauma

I wish when I closed my eyes it wouldn’t always replay

M.A.P

©

The Essence Of Who I Am