The Essence Of Who I Am

I think I always correlated the two. From the age of ten every time I was holding a baby or helping with children people would tell me that i would be a good moms. Its what i had heard my whole life. And maybe it was because I was always the little girl holding the baby’s, playing with the kids. But I was only a kid myself. I guess I grew up thinking that being a mom would be easy. People told me i would be good at it and I had been practicing my whole life. No one told me how hard it was going to be. No one told me it would be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And slowly out of the shadows other women have admitted to it. Its like a curse you cant say until after. The only advice I ever got about waiting to have kids was that to make sure your marriage was strong first. Because having kids can destroy a marriage if you let it. It can tear it apart. My son is almost 2 now and I’m just now starting to feel semi normal. Almost back to myself. And maybe my postpartum was worse then others with all that i went through with pregnancy and birth. But I know a lot of women even have it worse then me. And now people are just now asking when I’m going to have another baby. I do love being a mom though. Its so much fun, and honestly so crazy that i have the honor of raising a little human. I just wish that people had been honest with me. I wish that they didn’t tell me I would be a good mom just because I was holding a baby. I wish that they let me be a kid a little longer myself. I grew up thinking that just because I would be a good mom it would be easy. But honestly I found it the opposite. Because I’m a good mom it makes it harder. The daily sacrifice. having to take care of my husband and put him first before my child. Putting myself last. Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. Its a new kind of horror to love someone this much. Its a wonderful beauty.

M.A.P